Take notice....

For the love I had for life, I didnt jump off the balcony that night. I dont really know what it was that prompted me, to climb on the parapet wall, and look down the abyss, where little cars moved, as though in a game world. Somehow my so-called conscious had given away to the temptation that lay below, thousands of layers beneath the little cars, a world where there was no me. I longed to fall, with triumphant eyes, it seemed like I was almost there. Just at that moment, a rain drop fell on my shoulder, and I was transported to the world around me. I stepped back in horror.

Sometimes, when I think of God, I would think it was He who brought the rain drop. Coz that night, it never rained, just a few drops, and that is all. Perhaps there were other people like me, standing on the parapet wall, desirous of achieving the unknown, who had to be saved. And so, He brought the drops with him.

At other times, it feels like cowardice. For having taken the step, and quit. I dont know if it was God who saved me, or God who constrained me from having what I wanted. Or perhaps He just didnt have a hand. I am not sure.....

And yet, today, when the morning was bright, the grass glistened, and petals showered from trees. It would have,a even if I had jumped off that night. It would have, surely. But I wouldnt have been there to notice.

So I guess I live on to take notice of the little things that happen to me, that happen to everybody. I live on to take notice.

P.S. This article is purely fiction. I am alive and kicking!

Comments

Pavan said…
First i thought it was about a dream, then it seemed like a suicide note....finally i understood and took notice!!
6:26 PM
Anonymous said…
"...take notice of the little things that happen"

and when you learn to do that, life doesn't seem so bad, u know!
12:36 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When relatives come calling

I don’t have much experience, I must admit. Being brought up abroad, for me, relatives were just people whom you take away gifts for, during your visit to India, and in turn, you get to spend some time with them, to sit and laugh, and recall memories no one actually remembers. But what happens when you are done with earning all your dough abroad, and come back… And… one fine beautiful morning, relatives come calling… Welcome… Now, that’s one important thing you must do. Pick up them up at the airport or station or bus stand or your doorstep. Carry their luggage for them, irrespective of the fact whether they have goodies in store for you or not. And yes, when they enter your home, greet! Don’t ever forget to do that, you have to say, “Vaango, vaango” or perhaps “Aayeeye aayeeye”, even if you are actually thinking about that sweet time when they’ll be gone. Goodies... Like what they bring for you. Perhaps they actually picked it up from that rotten sale that was up to clear out stocks, ...
Read more

Yesterday's Class

Yes, I am learning music. Again. Finally. Some interesting conversations that happened in yesterday’s class. I asked, “How can anyone identify the Sur involved in a piece of music, when the concept of Sur is totally relative?” He told me it is one of the most difficult problems in music. People consider the Tanpura as some sort of standard, but it isn’t completely accurate. The solution is being researched, but he said he believed it was one of those non-computable problems. Reminded me of the good great Halting Problem. We were trying to sing different surs in random order. Ofcourse, we faltered. He said, “Understand the problem statement. And then strategize.” We saw we could easily break down the random order into pieces we had already learnt and that made it so much easier to sing. Association and Disassociation. I have always believed, Science, Religion, Spirituality, Art, Music, all these weren’t created to individually exist. They all support each other in some way or the other.
Read more

The Other Path of My Life

For I had not known then, what life had in store. I did hold on to the past, for a few months, and then it stopped to make sense, and the new overwhelming world took over. Now and then, the wind would blow, and faint memories would flood my eyes. I would just brush them off. I don’t really know if I made the decision to go by the flow, or whether it just happened. My life took a different course then on, it was exciting I must admit, and it brought me here, to where I am today. Sometimes I think, what if life hadn’t taken the course it took, what if I had held on to the past, what if I hadn’t forgotten the things I forced myself to forget. Would I still be here today? Would I have been happier? Would I have been disappointed? I crave to know. But then, I find the solace in the idea that someone else in this big world, is living that life that I gave up. I like to believe that all the permutations and combinations that result from the different choices we make in life, the different lif...
Read more