My Life, A Cocktail

For the love I had for life, I didn't fall off from my balcony that night. It was strange, of how the balcony had always beckoned, sending me into this trance, where death seemed like the only option available. It wasn't like I was tired of living this life, or had too many regrets to face, I was having fun alright, doing what I wanted to, carving life the way I thought best. And yet, one unguided glance at the balcony, and the wind from outside would seducingly invite, and I would be there. Some temptations are just too hard to resist. Once there, my hands on the little rails, I would look down, down the abyss, and just then, it'll happen. It would seem like a gust of wind pulling me down, voices sounding from beneath, imploring me to escape. And then the great thrust would come, from nowhere, from inside me, and I would float in the air, smiling and at peace, till the final thud. I open my eyes, and I know I am frightened. For I know, I should take care, lest the temptat...

It hurt real bad that night. It wasn't an accident I'm sure, it was done on purpose. But when I lay in my bed that night, pain exceeded all logic, and I began to cry. I didn't care to wonder anymore why he did it, or why me? I didn't care to blame God, someone told me he was always listening, I'm damn sure no one is. Tears dropped one after the other, for even they had learnt to flow in order. I ceased to think, and the more I was aware of what was happening, the more I felt better. I am not possibly allowed to feel good with so much pain. People would soon know, and they would come, like they always do, and talk and question. I can't say I'm ok. I can't possibly be ok. So I started to think about the past, and started to curse, started to mould the hate in my heart. When it was rigid enough, the people came. And they were satiated.

In her shoes I stepped To see the world she called her own She waved to me and said "Come on" I saw myself vanish and behold People no longer were as they had seemed Some were nicer, prettier Some uglier than it could seem. Flowers bloomed and the sun set For all the while I stared. And in that moment I realized For the beuatiful eyes I had Reality was an illusion of the conditioned mind Step into another shoe and see it unwind.