My Life, A Cocktail

Silent solitary evenings When relationships are brewing A starry glance across Smile’s the secret sauce. In that small moment Castles are built with cement Wars are won, troops are felled Over the seas we fled. It’s the celebration of love With colored balloons and fireworks Someone calls my name With a single wipe, it’s all erased.

Sometimes it feels like you ended up exactly where you started. And you ask, all this hullabaloo for nothing? Sometimes you need to digress a little from the path you have been treading, onto another one. The digression is termed a “mistake”. Its sole purpose is to make you feel hopeless and thereby reaffirm you are on the right path.

People don’t want the same old. If its music, remix it. If its literature or scriptures, put it in new glossy words or make them into attractive movies. If its philosophy or history, let famous brand names narrate it. The soul is the same. Just in contemporary clothes.

It’s a new game I am playing with myself. To try and not judge. Watching a movie without really trying to guess what’s gonna happen next, without thinking of the plausibility of the scenes in front of me. Listening to a song without picturing in my mind what it would look like, or without trying to seek the next rhyming word. Reading a book and taking in exactly what is written, without contemplating the right and wrong. Doing something for someone without questioning why. Taking in everything as is. Its fun.

On our old bike with hubby, on one cool breezy evening in Mysore, we set out. Looking above at the clear skies, I could spot the orion easily. And hundreds of other stars. Cruising the double road, with the wind blowing wild through my hair, tears in my eyes, I thought of what had been. The same roads, the same bike, the same shops, the same likes and dislikes, the togetherness. We pass by restaurants we had eaten in, we pass by places we had sat together and chatted for hours together, we pass by places we had lived in, we pass by some old friends’ houses, recollecting all the way... It’s been a decade. Feels beautiful.

I have been able to get some slow time. After a long time. Its amazing how clearly you can think when you chill out. To know what you want, and to go out and get it, is quite something. To reaffirm time and again, that although not all things are under your control, of the little that is, make the best of it while you can. To appreciate the fact that good health just makes things easier, even for relationships. To recognize that time is fleeting with every footstep of the Lord, and that there is nothing more vivid than the time that is now.

The world is a makeup of imperfect individuals. Perfection is a mirage. Evolution is a continuous process with no start or end. To measure imperfect individuals with respect to their stages in evolution is both unnecessary and silly. Circumstances, for the most part, dictate at what stage an individual is, at any given point of time. It is not a race. Respect it, admire it, be in awe.

Some people flow as blood in your veins. No matter what you do to shrug them off, you can't. It just feels better to know that. Atleast you know there is not point trying to forget.