My Life, A Cocktail

She demanded no attention. It was as though she had had enough of it. Her presence was never felt, and yet if you went upto her to ask a question, she would speak up with perfectly articulate words crisply tied together in a sophisticated accent, that would have everyone look up from their desks in astonishment. She never laughed unnecessarily. If you were really funny, you might catch a pretty smile. You could either totally love her, be crazy about her, or absolutely detest her. There wasn't much middle ground. There was only one thing easy to comprehend about her. Almost everyone knew that she had different personas. That she was someone different than what she appeared to be. Although, everyone's perception of that difference was different.

Its been a while. I know. Its been so busy. Life has changed over the last few months. Stress is at an all time high, with deadlines pouring down like rain drops that I am struggling to catch. Not that I ain't enjoying running around. The best part of being busy though, is that I try to make time for all the things I want to do. Coz suddenly, time seems so precious. I have been reading. The Thousand Splendid Suns. I have probably mentioned before how much I admire the author. I am at the last chapter, the book has filled me with immense sadness, of how some lives are just unfair. And those who know me know well how terribly I am disturbed when I find a life that isn't balanced like mine. I found an awesome collection of Kannadasan songs online. Thats prescribed four times a day. I am lovin' it! Appa Amma are here. I have been listening to stories of their grand Europe trip, can't wait to see the pictures. Europe is so magical. I could do with a vacation...

So today, I made my first mistake at work. Gaah! I knew this was coming, and all the while I was telling myself, "You have to make your first mistake. And then, it will all be good". So yes, here I am, post my first goof-up. It had to be something as terrible as affecting production and the users... And more importantly, it had to be something that was totally my fault. A memory fault. I simply forgot to do something... It had to be Friday... I feel terrible... P.S. Oh, I changed jobs. Just in case you were wondering why its such a big deal...

Hubby commented on one of my emails as "Short and Crisp". And I tumbled down memory lane... It was in high school, when I topped in English for the first time. Since then, I was looked upon by teachers and classmates alike as "one-of-the-intelligent-ones". English was "the" language. Coming from India, I was looked down upon and ridiculed for bad grammar and pronunciation. So topping in English could do a great deal for your image. Impressed teachers can be great teachers. They give you extra attention and time. They talk about you to other kids in other sections. They read your passages aloud with a pride fit to embarass you. "Brevity and Clarity". That was the motto of our English professor. And that lesson has stayed with me. Thats how I learnt to write short, simple and clear sentences. I think it works well.

I re-realized something today. [Re-realized means something you had already realized in the past, but had just forgotten it, to realize it all over again] The variety in perspective is unbelievable. I have probably written about my thoughts on collective perception. It still holds true in most cases, but sometimes, you come across perceptions that you never knew existed. And you question the logic of your life. You start all over again. Wow!

After a long break, we did back to back trails this weekend. Alum Rock is a beautiful park in San Jose with about 13 mi of trails. We started out with the Eagle Rock trail that ascends about 750 ft to lead you upto the Eagle Rock where you can see nice big eagles gliding in the sky with the city in the distance. You can spot deers too. We continued on the North Rim trail for a while, which led us to the Todd Quick trail. This is a nice slim trail with long grass on either side. The trail is a loop that ascends and descends rather quickly. On Sunday, we did our usual Stanford Dish trail. Located in the Stanford campus this is a well frequented and paved trail. A 3.5 mi round trip with an elevation gain of about 500 ft. Nice and easy. You get to see the 2 dishes, and various views of the city beneath. We debated our way through. Oh Summer, where art thou?

There is this period of lull. When nothing seems to be happening, every day is like the other. No problems to solve, no decisions to make, no confusing options. Just lull. Initially it feels like a nice break from your otherwise hectic catch-me-if-you-can life. After a while, you feel like a wreck. Sometimes life is sympathetic and brings you back right on track. Sometimes its not, and you go about creating problems of your own. Most people that commit mistakes that they attribute later towards "circumstances" are probably the victim of such lull. There is no moral to this story.