My Life, A Cocktail

Everyone should cry from time to time. Like a routine. I hardly cried. Someone close to my heart also told me once that crying, especially in front of others, made you look weak. And I believed. So I went on, adding to the façade, I was ‘strong’. A lot of my friends cried. They came to me when they cried. And I would lecture them on life’s non-existent philosophies, and they would be consoled. I made them ‘strong’. Today I cry. Now and then, quite often. It is important for me. It keeps me rid of so many diseases that result from stress. Crying is no sign of weakness. In fact, it takes guts to cry. Let it out, it is so important to blend with the energies of life.

For I had not known then, what life had in store. I did hold on to the past, for a few months, and then it stopped to make sense, and the new overwhelming world took over. Now and then, the wind would blow, and faint memories would flood my eyes. I would just brush them off. I don’t really know if I made the decision to go by the flow, or whether it just happened. My life took a different course then on, it was exciting I must admit, and it brought me here, to where I am today. Sometimes I think, what if life hadn’t taken the course it took, what if I had held on to the past, what if I hadn’t forgotten the things I forced myself to forget. Would I still be here today? Would I have been happier? Would I have been disappointed? I crave to know. But then, I find the solace in the idea that someone else in this big world, is living that life that I gave up. I like to believe that all the permutations and combinations that result from the different choices we make in life, the different lif...

I have had several definitions of God. I have been a theist at times, a true atheist at other times. And today, I believe in God, once again. Differently. God is an influential force. Anything that can influence me. People, friends, some relatives, animals, nature, the sky, clouds, the rainbow, flowers, books, the TV, music, sounds, absolutely anything. I see the power of God in so many things, each thing that affects me. I feel the power of God in the hug that my boyfriend gives me when I see him after a lonely vacation. I feel the power of God in the kiss that my nephew plants on my cheek every time I play with him. I feel the power of God in the drops of rain that fall on my outstretched arms as I await them. I feel the power of God in the air that brushes through my hair when I swing high and low. I feel the power of God in the conversation I have with certain minds that lead me towards the answers I seek. I feel the power of God in those rare moments of truth that I experience whe...

The Super Star. The Boss. Rajani. Sivaji. There is just one simple thing that any Rajani fan expects from his movies. Style. And I must say, I am not disappointed. Sivaji has loads of style, in terms of looks, fashion, sets, and what I call “punch” dialogues. Rajani looks his youngest best, and has come back with amazing energy. Highlights The motorbike stunt in the Athiradee song looks just too cool. I know it’s something too many people have done before too, but then, its special when its Rajani, isn’t it? The MGR and Sivaji Ganesan mimic songs are also well performed that they take you on a ride through memory lane. Sivaji’s Email client, a voice recognition system was another of those eyebrow raising things that even 007 BMW’s wouldn’t bring. Some of Rajani’s dialogues are just mind boggling. Some of my favorites: “Kanna naan parkkadhaan software, yeranginen naa hardware!” “Naan nenucha adhu nadandha maadiri, naan nadandha adhu jayicha maadiri!” “Sivaji sirucha joli, muraicha maap...

We were on our usual biking round. Biking is fun, I have come to realize, every day we cycle all the way up to the Red river and back. Today, we opted for a longer route than usual. Happily cruising in the fourth gear, we almost had come to the end of our route. That’s when it happened. I saw two ladies who had suddenly stopped in the middle of the pathway, as though something was wrong. My friend was ahead of me, and as he neared them, he pulled up. I, not knowing what things were all about, went right ahead. Just when I was there, I realized there was something on the ground, and I was almost gonna squash it. Everyone screamed. I swept through, and stopped only when I heard relieved sighs. Ok, so I hadn’t squashed it after all, I thought. But what was it? It was a little sparrow, a baby, that had been thrown on the pathway by the wind. We found another one lying on the grass near by. My friend helped the little sparrow back along with its sibling. We exchanged little grateful thanks ...

It hurts to see something that you had so carefully nurtured all your life, fall into pieces in front of your eyes, and you weeping helplessly over it. There is no answer, you know it, but somehow don’t want to accept this strange fact, coz you have been brought up with encouragement and inspiration that could make you soar towering heights, and you had always liked to believe that nothing’s impossible. At least that’s what you have been telling yourself all your life whenever you’ve felt down. But now, wiping your tears, you feel hopeless and you realize that all those talks of encouragement were a mere fantasy world that you or someone nice had created for you to feel better. This time you ask, how many times will I build castles in the air, how many times will I wait for things to change for the better? There is no better. Whatever there is, is all that is, coz I haven’t been able to make it better. Some problems just work themselves to a state where there is no solution.

I think of life as layers. With people scattered across each layer. At every layer, I meet people belonging there, or rather, people who are visiting that layer, at that moment, with me. Those people are my life. I achieve something, learn something, and then its time to move on. I am scared to leave my layer, coz that is my life. But I have to go, step into another layer. It’s like death. And rebirth. This new layer holds new people, new experiences. They become my life. And the cycle( I don’t know how vicious) goes on…