My Life, A Cocktail

Of Teddy Bears and Cuddly Dolls

2012-01-19T22:13:00.000-08:00

I have a thing for soft toys. As kids, me and my sister would yearn for soft toys, while Dad essentially considered them “use”-less. To us, they were such an integral part of our lives, we would celebrate their birthdays and we would fight over what hairstyles we would give them.

That obsession still remains. I got a peek into my niece’s stack of soft toys last night and I literally yelled out in excitement. I still continue to buy soft toys coz hubby gives in to my wishes easily. My current diet plan promises me a teddy if I reach a certain goal weight and that alone has been enough to keep me going.

I know Valentine’s is just around the corner. Hubby, are you listening?

A Second Chance

2012-01-16T22:20:00.001-08:00

The relationship rejuvenated. Like Phoenix, it had risen from the ashes and taken a distinct form.

Smiles had been exchanged and tears had been wiped off. The road was paved and the journey began.

It wasn’t the same old, it wasn’t totally unfamiliar. It was like the best of both worlds; the memories of the past with the opportunities of tomorrow.

Purposefully, there was going to be one thing amiss. Life doesn’t give second chances, but when it does, you learn from your mistakes.

Roundabout

2012-01-05T18:38:00.000-08:00

It happens often to me. What I think I want is usually never what I actually want. I don't get what I think I want, I get something else. And then I realize, what I got was what I actually wanted.

Happy Bday to Me

2012-01-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

Birthdays are wonderful. Opportunities for people to remind you how you special you are. It doesn’t really matter even if they are only pretending for that one day and being nice to you. The point is that it gives people the chance to be nice to you for at least one day in the year.

The day started with waking up to calls and facebook wall post message alerts. Walking down the stairs I noticed something beautiful neatly arranged on the dining table.

Yes, it was a fruit bouquet from Edible Arrangements! Of course, the fruits were all delicious, but the highlights were that it had pineapple carved into a “29” and had chocolate coated strawberries. Yum!

Post that, hubby took me out to breakfast at IHOP, after which we went out on a 2 hour drive all the way to Big Sur. Like most road trips, it was all about the journey and not necessarily the destination.

We stopped near the Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park to grab some lunch. In the middle of nowhere, there was this cozy little restaurant that served us beer and an assorted cheese platter.

For dinner, hubby took me to a Vietnamese restaurant named Xanh in Castro. It has a beautiful ambience and their presentation of food is lovely. Started out with a glass of champagne, flavored with pomegranate liqueur. The Buddha rolls were a fresh and light appetizer with a nice blend of tofu, shitake mushrooms, carrots and lettuce. We kept it simple for the entrée and got a bowl of rice with a nicely spiced vegetarian curry.

For dessert, we ordered what they call the Eighth Wonder, a pyramid shaped chocolate mousse with a cream and caramel filling. Each bite simply melted in my mouth and delighted every inch of my taste buds. We finished it off with a nice and strong Vietnamese hot coffee, it was the perfect ending.

No, the day wasn’t over yet. Anna and Anni had invited us home. I cut an Oreo icecream cake with the kids and the family. Then, it was all complete.

I am content.

Oh, wait, did I mention the diamond ring? :-)

Hormones

2011-12-28T21:35:00.001-08:00

It’s quite unbelievable what shifts in hormone levels can do to you. You feel like a different person and can’t identify or associate some of your own actions. You look at the past and stare and scream “That wasn’t me!”

Perception

2011-12-22T22:46:00.001-08:00

Everyone considered her heartless. To her, she was the most sensitive and emotional person that ever existed.

People thought of her as haughty and indifferent. She could never express her emotions without making herself and others uncomfortable. But she had so much passion inside her that no one had dared to discover.

She didn’t have many friends. She genuinely cared for everyone, sometimes even for strangers, and could never wish for a bad thing to befall on even her worst enemies.

There was her, and then there was... the perception of her.

Happy Holidays

2011-12-22T15:39:00.001-08:00

Today’s the official last working day of the year. As I leave work, I feel content. And proud.

It’s a truly amazing feeling. I love my job!

Happy Holidays!

Deficit

2011-12-22T15:17:00.001-08:00

There are days when you wake up with a feeling of inadequacy. A gnawing feeling like you are losing out on something with every passing moment but you can’t really put your finger on it. Much like Kareena Kapoor in Jab We Met “Muje na raat ko bure bure sapne aate the, jaise ki meri train chuut rahi ho”.

Deficits. Big holes we dig for ourselves that we can safely sink into aloof from reality. The wind blows and shifts the sand, it draws us back. We are tempted and scared all at the same time; we just dig deeper and deeper.

We nurture our own deficits.

Teri Yaadein Aati Hai

2011-11-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

Been a while I have blogged…

Life’s become busier than I had ever imagined for myself. I rush through the day like it’s a competition. I only focus on the job at hand, and can’t see why anything else would be important.

And yet, as I sit here at my comfort desk, in this office that I love, doing this job that I worship, thoughts come floating by from far far away. They hit me like a splash of cold water on my face and the whole world comes to a screeching halt.

With that, I am going to listen to Lucky Ali...

Credit

2011-05-18T12:08:00.001-07:00

I am someone who appreciates being appreciated. And when it comes my way, the pride in me in so extreme that I can’t stand it when I am mistaken for someone else’s credit.

And I realize today, pride can make us do as many good things as bad. Just as it can make you boast out aloud when the credit is truly yours to keep, it can also make you stand up and confess with a straight look that you aren’t worthy.

Credit should always go where it belongs.

To friends that aren't forever

2011-03-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to be a woman, a daughter, a wife and an employee, all at the same time. With all these varied demanding roles, you get so caught up that the role of a friend simply takes a backseat.

If I take quick stats right now, I can shamelessly admit that I have only a handful that I can call friends. More like two or three. It’s not that I never had many friends, but amazingly, each and every “good” friend has just carelessly slipped into the dark shadows of my past life.

I just want to thank God for giving me a chance to know them in this lifetime, and share a portion of my life with them. And I want to recognize that my life wouldn’t have been what it is without having known them.

All I have is good wishes to give…

Thursday is the NEW Friday

2011-02-28T16:38:00.000-08:00

He isn’t going to be there when I get home tonight. He isn’t going to smile big and take my bag off my shoulders. He isn’t going to pick a fight with me for having taken him for granted for something today. He isn’t going to sit down to dinner with me. He isn’t going to watch TV in foreground and listen to my gibberish in the background. He isn’t going to shift himself to align to me as I shift in my sleep.

He’s gone for 4 days and this is only the first. I can’t imagine a year full of weeks like these.

Looking forward to Thursday, my new Friday.

It's all about being happy!

2011-02-15T13:43:00.001-08:00

Someone asked me a while ago, what is the most important thing in life? And I had replied, “Happiness”!

This morning’s read got me thinking yet again about what influences my happiness. I have always believed people and circumstances affect you to the extent that you let them affect you. Certain people you hold dear to your heart and give them the access to make you happy or sad or inspired or whatever. You are the control giver, but you have no control over the control being abused.

But today, with greater clarity I realize that there is one thing, above everything else, that influences my happiness. And that is me.

I have the power to keep myself happy. And I am looking forward to using it luxuriously.

Happy Valentine's!

2011-02-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning scrubbing my eyes only to see 2 beautiful pots of button roses, one yellow, one red and 3 of my favorite boxes of chocolates.

These are the best days of my life!

Reality Check

2011-02-01T10:15:00.000-08:00

We often overlook what is right in front of our eyes and instead are distracted by the shiny little artificiality in the background. We take for granted our most important reasons for existence and consume our lives chasing trivial obsessions.

And then there comes a time when life reveals the true nature of every relationship. We stare open mouthed and pretend to not believe. It often takes time for the actuality to sink into your skin.

If we care to sit down and think, very soon we realize that there are some relationships that have never been shared equally. There is always a heavier end, and if that’s us, it becomes easier to let go.

Here’s to making up for past ignorance and looking forward to value what is truly ours.

Shamu

2010-12-28T21:32:00.000-08:00

I am in San Diego, sitting at the hotel after a long but fun day. Today’s agenda was the Sea World.

We have previously been to the Sea World park at Orlando, Florida, so we kinda knew what to expect. And yet, I was amazed, all over again, sitting there watching Shamu’s show “Believe”. Some lines from the show that stuck –

“Connect with the colors of this life…”
“Believe in your dreams…”

So to keep the magic alive, I headed to the "Simply Shamu" store and bought a Shamu stuffed toy that’s almost as big as me! Fun times!

This is exactly where I wanted to be…

2010-12-24T11:40:00.001-08:00

It’s been exactly 10 years since I first met my hubby. And this holiday season, I can’t help but look back.

Today is the official start of the holidays. We woke up early and kick started the day with a morning walk up to the nearby Eisenhower elementary school grounds. It’s been a while me and hubby enjoyed so much time together. We have been so busy with so many things.

It took us less than an hour to be back. And as I approached home, I looked at both of us, still together, looked at our home, our own first home. As I picked out mail from the mailbox, I couldn’t help but realize, this is exactly where I wanted to be.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Thunder!

2010-12-08T11:45:00.000-08:00

Some people just like to steal other people's thunder. Perhaps because they can't manage to create their own.

I am just relaxing and thinking, "Apna karam kar, phal ki chintha math kar". It's amazing how much better that makes me feel...

Winter!

2010-12-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

It’s a rainy day. The kind when everything’s wet. Fall leaves blown to mounds by diligent city workers have been reduced to a mushy lump. The lanes in expressways are hard to follow and cars are splashing on all sides as they pass. Everything around is slow, except the consistently dripping rain.

Winter’s officially here. It’s been here for a while now, but being the bay area residents we are, used to a much milder and late winter, it’s been a little hard for us to accept this natural truth.

It’s beautiful all around. The mountains are snowcapped and the stores have all been decorated. It almost seems like it all happened overnight, while everyone was asleep, Santa Claus came about, brought the snow and shiny ornaments.

It’s cold. Heaters are on full blast everywhere. Long coats and high boots are in. And umbrellas.

For the first time in my life, I am genuinely enjoying winter. Happy Holidays!

Ebook Reader - To be or not to be

2010-11-30T15:51:00.000-08:00

I am not the gadget types. Being in San Francisco, I am still surviving with a non-smartphone. I believe that’s proof enough.

The ebook readers (nook and kindle) though have me impressed quite a bit. To have a book available at the click of a button, to be able to choose which book you would like to read at any given time and to turn pages electronically with a touch seems pretty cool to me. With the holiday sales on, even the prices are no excuse.

On the other hand, there is indescribable joy in passing through the aisles of Barnes and Noble, eyeing each book closely and picking out the ones to read first chapters of. The sifting of the picked books into categories: Not my kind, buying now and buying later. The dating of books with a signature to open years later and marvel at. The folding of page ends and the stacking away on reading as an accomplishment.

Do authors get royalty for ebook downloads?

I think I am just going to stick to my real books. Wat say?

Transparent Fireworks

2010-10-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

Its a beautiful rainy morning in San Francisco. The kind that leaves tiny glistening drops on your hair. The kind that has high rises disappear midway. The kind when all you want to do is sit across the window of a moving train, sip milk tea and watch the raindrops slash across the glass and drop off, like transparent fireworks.

Lag ja gale

2010-10-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

Lag ja gale…
Ki phir ye haseen raat ho na ho
Shayad phir is janam main mulaqat ho na ho
Hum ko mili hai aaj yeh ghadiyaan naseeb se
Jee bharke dekh leejiye humko kareeb se
Phir aapke naseeb main yeh raat ho na ho…

Now and then, you are forced to leave people behind. Circumstance is to blame each time.

And every now and then, when I listen to this song, it reminds me of all those people and the last few moments I spent with them. Each time a pang of mixed feelings go through me.

That’s the reason I remember to hug people when I leave them. Some that I absolutely can’t live without, I hug twice :-)

Beautiful song…

SFO

2010-09-15T17:08:00.000-07:00

You probably have heard me say this more than once, “Silicon valley is THE place to be”. And of course, I am talking about IT.

It’s amazing how much happening this place actually is. I know most people outside the city mostly like to deny it. But really, you have to be here to know it! Some west coast analogies:

Like Vegas is to Sin
Like Disney is to Magic
Like LA is to Showbiz
Silicon Valley is to IT

You can pretty much get drunk on IT out here. Absolutely overwhelming.

It’s no wonder I do a two hour commute one way every day to get here.

Home

2010-08-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

It’s amazing how much owning a property means to any average Indian. Whether it’s for growing old in, or raising a family, or purely for investment sake, it's considered an achievement.

So here we are too. Our first home in the State of California.

The process has been long, but fortunately we had good people around who knew exactly what they were doing. We had been looking at a lot of open houses and were on the verge of discouragement, when we found this house.

It was perfect. The only house that actually met each and every single criterion we had in mind.

The initial part of putting the offer and waiting for a response is nerve-racking. We had set our minds to this house, and so we ended up going back and forth with the sellers and finally settling down on a “Na tera Na mera” price.

After that, it was mostly reading and signing documents, and then more reading and signing. After a while, the reading stopped, while the signing continued.

Last week, we got the keys. It feels exciting and scary, all at the same time.

Julie, the owner's wife had tears in her eyes when she looked at us and said, "Take care of this place, its a home." We love the fact that we are buying a home where someone raised their kids in, where someone has a lot of good memories in, where someone lived happily, if not ever after.

I'm looking forward to a lot of things in the new home. Reading in the backyard, may be a swing, star gazing with hubby, having both sets of parents around. It will be all good.

Handwriting

2010-08-09T15:55:00.001-07:00

Gandhiji says in his autobiography, that he regards bad handwriting as a mark of imperfect education.

Most of us have our stories of how our handwritings came to be. Painful accounts of unrelenting teachers looking down at our notebooks as we filled cursive writing books with what looked like flies squashed in flight.

Mine is similar too. I had the worst handwriting in the family.

And then, one fine day, my mom did the unthinkable, she compared my handwriting to a friend’s and stated aloud how good hers was. That was the last straw.

Luckily for me I had realized, good handwriting comes from good observation. I would stare at other classmates’ notebooks to see how they dotted their i’s and curved their g’s. And sure enough, I had started writing beautifully.

A lot of you whose moms didn’t do the unthinkable, perhaps never got a similar chance. Probably you think handwriting doesn’t even matter. In this age of emails, messengers and computer fonts, who writes with pen and paper anyways.

And yet, when out of the blue you notice something beautifully hand written, you stop to admire and say “You have such a pretty handwriting!”

Non-vegetarianism

2010-08-09T10:34:00.001-07:00

You would have read countless articles on Vegetarianism and its endorsements. Being a vegetarian myself, writing about non-vegetarianism might seem quite lame. Unfortunately, that does not stop me from writing this.

I grew up in a vegetarian Brahmin Iyer (and all the caste goodness that comes with it) family. Not one of my ancestors probably for generations, had eaten meat.

Enter boyfriend(was)/hubby(now). A pure non-vegetarian. Not just any ordinary non-vegetarian, but a non-vegetarian that enjoys every bite of meat. Oh, the joy of watching him eat!

It seems strange to most people when I tell them my kids will grow up as non-vegetarians. Yes, they will. I probably would not be able to cook it for them (although, I am determined to try my best on that front), but hubby's cooking skills and restaurants I hope will bridge that gap.

I want my kids to explore the world they are in, as much as possible. And food is one of the most enjoyable ways to do just that.

Assorted Perspectives

2010-08-07T23:25:00.001-07:00

The stage is set. Appa, hubby and me at the dining table, post dinner. The topic to be butchered being the existence and non-existence of God, the faith and the non-faith.

The debate lasted long and revealed perfect blends of perspective, Appa’s ancient outlook and precise facts from history, hubby’s practical standpoint, and my modern yet religious angle. As all casual unplanned conversations go, we cruised multiple topics, from quoting the Bhagvad Gita to challenging modern medicine vs. Ayurveda, from Britishers and India’s freedom struggle, to all the Saamiyars and scandals in India. We went non-stop for almost 2.5 hours, with loud and heated moments occasionally.

I don’t think the discussion drastically altered anyone’s perspective of life or any principles we discussed. That was beside the point anyways. What it truly achieved is that it brought some clarity to our already existing beliefs and principles. To articulate one’s viewpoint in any form whatsoever is perhaps the best way to accomplish thought transparency.

And of course, there is the subtle underlying magnificence of it all, the co-existence of assorted perspectives in perfect contentment.

Trip to Jelly Belly

2010-08-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

We finally decided to head out to the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield, an hour and a half drive from South Bay. The factory is located at the most appropriate address: 1 Jelly Belly Lane, Fairfield, CA.

We decided to take the 40 minute guided walking tour. Being a weekend, there was no production happening, but we walked around the factory and watched some informative videos about how it takes almost 7-12 days to make the famous jelly belly beans. The thing I was most psyched about was the weird and wonderful flavors they came in. From tiramisu to toothpaste, mango chili to rotten egg, toasted marshmallow to canned dog food, they have it all!

With the tour over and our free bag of beans, we shopped around tasting and picking our own beans to create an assortment. We also picked up some collections like the “Sugar free beans”, the “Cocktail Mix” that contained the Margarita, Mojito and Daiquiri flavors, and the “Cold Stone” collection that had all the yummy cold stone icecream flavors! And of course, gotto have a Jelly Belly magnet for my magnet collection.

Clicked a few pictures and we were off to the nearby Punjabi Dhaba off of I-80 at Dixon. A yummy buffet was a perfect ending to time well spent.

The God of Small Things

2010-07-20T12:12:00.001-07:00

I just finished reading "The God of Small Things". Again.

Its been on my todo for quite sometime. The re-reading of this particular book.

I usually do not re-read. Time is precious.

This book is not a story that you just read, no fantastic world far far away. Its simply an experience. You read it, and you live it.

Ducks!

2010-07-12T12:18:00.001-07:00

As I was driving to work this morning, instinct had me slam the brakes. A tall brown duck was crossing the street with numerous tiny little ducklings following behind.

:D :D :D

Of Trips & Planning

2010-07-08T17:56:00.000-07:00

There is nothing as exciting as planning for a trip. Sometimes not even the trip itself!

As a kid, planning for trips was almost an every Friday morning ritual (for those who are wondering, in the middle east, Friday is the usual "Sunday"). The entire family would gather lazily around the bed dreaming dreams that weren't necessarily meant to materialize. Oh, the joy of dreaming a common dream!

Now, I do most of it alone, all by myself. A lot of research goes into my trip planning. Listing places to see, researching history, deciding where to eat, scheduling times and designing itineraries. Booking flights, hotels and cars. Discovering discounts!

Its life well spent.

2010-06-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

She demanded no attention. It was as though she had had enough of it.

Her presence was never felt, and yet if you went upto her to ask a question, she would speak up with perfectly articulate words crisply tied together in a sophisticated accent, that would have everyone look up from their desks in astonishment.

She never laughed unnecessarily. If you were really funny, you might catch a pretty smile.

You could either totally love her, be crazy about her, or absolutely detest her. There wasn't much middle ground.

There was only one thing easy to comprehend about her. Almost everyone knew that she had different personas. That she was someone different than what she appeared to be. Although, everyone's perception of that difference was different.

Long time...

2010-06-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

Its been a while. I know. Its been so busy.

Life has changed over the last few months. Stress is at an all time high, with deadlines pouring down like rain drops that I am struggling to catch. Not that I ain't enjoying running around.

The best part of being busy though, is that I try to make time for all the things I want to do. Coz suddenly, time seems so precious.

I have been reading. The Thousand Splendid Suns. I have probably mentioned before how much I admire the author. I am at the last chapter, the book has filled me with immense sadness, of how some lives are just unfair. And those who know me know well how terribly I am disturbed when I find a life that isn't balanced like mine.

I found an awesome collection of Kannadasan songs online. Thats prescribed four times a day. I am lovin' it!

Appa Amma are here. I have been listening to stories of their grand Europe trip, can't wait to see the pictures. Europe is so magical.

I could do with a vacation...

Goof-Up

2010-05-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

So today, I made my first mistake at work. Gaah!

I knew this was coming, and all the while I was telling myself, "You have to make your first mistake. And then, it will all be good".

So yes, here I am, post my first goof-up. It had to be something as terrible as affecting production and the users...

And more importantly, it had to be something that was totally my fault. A memory fault. I simply forgot to do something...

It had to be Friday...

I feel terrible...

P.S. Oh, I changed jobs. Just in case you were wondering why its such a big deal...

Short and Crisp

2010-05-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

Hubby commented on one of my emails as "Short and Crisp". And I tumbled down memory lane...

It was in high school, when I topped in English for the first time. Since then, I was looked upon by teachers and classmates alike as "one-of-the-intelligent-ones".

English was "the" language. Coming from India, I was looked down upon and ridiculed for bad grammar and pronunciation. So topping in English could do a great deal for your image.

Impressed teachers can be great teachers. They give you extra attention and time. They talk about you to other kids in other sections. They read your passages aloud with a pride fit to embarass you.

"Brevity and Clarity". That was the motto of our English professor. And that lesson has stayed with me.

Thats how I learnt to write short, simple and clear sentences. I think it works well.

Re-realize

2010-05-06T00:38:00.001-07:00

I re-realized something today.

[Re-realized means something you had already realized in the past, but had just forgotten it, to realize it all over again]

The variety in perspective is unbelievable.

I have probably written about my thoughts on collective perception. It still holds true in most cases, but sometimes, you come across perceptions that you never knew existed.

And you question the logic of your life. You start all over again.

Wow!

Trails

2010-04-04T16:56:00.000-07:00

After a long break, we did back to back trails this weekend.

Alum Rock is a beautiful park in San Jose with about 13 mi of trails. We started out with the Eagle Rock trail that ascends about 750 ft to lead you upto the Eagle Rock where you can see nice big eagles gliding in the sky with the city in the distance. You can spot deers too.

We continued on the North Rim trail for a while, which led us to the Todd Quick trail. This is a nice slim trail with long grass on either side. The trail is a loop that ascends and descends rather quickly.

On Sunday, we did our usual Stanford Dish trail. Located in the Stanford campus this is a well frequented and paved trail. A 3.5 mi round trip with an elevation gain of about 500 ft. Nice and easy. You get to see the 2 dishes, and various views of the city beneath. We debated our way through.

Oh Summer, where art thou?

Lull

2010-03-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

There is this period of lull. When nothing seems to be happening, every day is like the other. No problems to solve, no decisions to make, no confusing options. Just lull.

Initially it feels like a nice break from your otherwise hectic catch-me-if-you-can life. After a while, you feel like a wreck.

Sometimes life is sympathetic and brings you back right on track. Sometimes its not, and you go about creating problems of your own.

Most people that commit mistakes that they attribute later towards "circumstances" are probably the victim of such lull.

There is no moral to this story.

Moved

2010-03-15T12:02:00.001-07:00

We have moved. To a bigger and better apartment.

Me and hubby are tired as hell. But moving has been good for us, we have purged so much rubbish out, and gotten beautiful things in.

It took only 3 hours to move. To move all the knick knacks we had accumulated over the past 2.5 years.

As I stood staring at the empty expanse in front of me that once was our abode, I felt that feeling of “let go”. So, inside my head, I reminisced each memory, carefully wrapped it in bubble wrap, taped it, and nicely tucked it away in the carton labeled “Fair Oaks”.

Making room for new memories…

Character

2010-03-08T14:47:00.000-08:00

It’s coming to me again and again. The importance of “character”.

It’s the amazing little things you do that reflect “character”.

I remember missing my regular bus once, only to listen to a friend talking. He said it reflected “character”.

I remember someone taking credit for one of my simple ideas. And I thought it reflects “character”.

I remember people suffering to stand up for the right thing. I remember people going untormented for shying away from the truth. It all reflects “character”.

One thing that’s your own. One thing that only you are responsible for.

Wats up Lux

2010-03-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

It’s been raining.

I finished reading “The Kite Runner”. Simply brilliant. Khaled Hosseini is an amazing story teller.

A weekend of packing has gone by, and has summoned yet another week of packing and finally, moving.

Almost 2.5 years back, I had walked into this junior single bedroom apartment with a suitcase and a sleeping bag. Now, we are hiring a 24 feet moving truck.

Hubby leaves for Michigan tomorrow. Not looking forward to the solitude, especially when all my books have already been packed and sealed…

ER

2010-02-27T21:06:00.000-08:00

Last night was my first visit to the ER, well, for myself. I reached there looking like a hag (yes, pain can do that to me), cold and limping.

One thing I really appreciate about our hospital here is that it doesn't smell like one. The lobby (even the ER one) is quite pleasant with nice lights and art work.

My vitals were taken, and a band with my name tied to my wrist. I noticed that the band was patented. I was asked to join the others in the waiting section.

Being the curious person I am, I looked around at the others and wondered what their circumstances were. One thing was common between all of us, suffering. Different levels of it.

I was surprised to be called in immediately, even when there were so many before me in the waiting. May be because I described my pain a level 7 out of 10.

What happened inside the treatment room I don't quite want to describe, but I moaned and groaned the whole time, inspite of the local anesthesia. Hubby was really supportive. He always is.

I remember as kids, me and my sis loved to watch ER. And now, me and hubby never miss an episode of House.

And on that note, I come to the highlight of my whole ER experience, they prescribed me Vicodin for the pain! Yes, the same drug Dr. HOUSE is always high on :-)

Again n again n again

2010-02-24T22:51:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you go and shoot yourself in the foot. Sometimes you do it more than once.

Just because you believe in the power of forgiveness.

Nothingness

2010-02-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

Its a gloomy cloudy morning, I am forced outta bed. Eggs and toast for breakfast, I head out dressed in a sweat shirt and jeans.

I drop hubby at his office, and drive to mine. Even the car stereo is playing "Gimme some sunshine...."

I enter the dark parking lot of my office building. Its the kinda parking lot movies like to shoot shooting scenes in. A car in the distance starts and the entire lot echoes, I can see its lights turn on...

I forget to wish the security guy. I push the elevator button, and as my finger touches the button "3" it lights up. I admire the color of my nail polish against the light...

Several minutes later... this nothingness of my life turns into a blog post...

Restlessness

2010-02-16T21:18:00.000-08:00

That familiar restlessness has started to set in, again... Its been a while without it, and yet I recognize it perfectly.

It drives me crazy even on bright sunny mornings. Its like a daemon process running in my head that no amount of coffee can seem to kill. It grows on me day by day like Marley's chains.

No matter how much I loathe it, I have figured that its what takes me from one milestone to another.

I am heading somewhere...

Letters

2010-02-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

They are special, in a way emails are not.

There is the envelope that carries your name, sometimes scented, and sometimes the fragrance is just in your head.

There are beautiful sheets of thick paper, on which a beautiful someone has taken the time to beautifully write things they want you to know.

Just the way they loop their l’s and dot their i’s reminds you of things they did and how you laughed.

The words they choose, the exclamations they use, you read them in their voice and their soul.

And then, you sit down at your desk, with your favorite pen and a spotless paper to give back the joy.

Letters are special…

Texting

2010-02-10T21:42:00.000-08:00

There is something cool about texting. Being in the US, I don't even have texting enabled on my phone, but I did relive my little passion while in India.

Typing away, your hands moving with a dexterity known only to great texters, keeping up with the words being generated in your mind.

And then there is the waiting, the vibrating alert...

Some highlights from my India Trip

2010-02-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

- Went to Chamundi Hills on a Volvo bus

- Biked our way to Nanjangud, and let ourselves be coaxed into buying prasadam we didn't want

- Went to Mysore Dussera exhibition, ate cotton candy, went on the Columbus ride and screamed!

- Met Ashi

- Ate at Nagarjuna's in Jayanagar, full meals!

- Finally got to taste Chithle Bandhu's bakarwaadi

- Stayed at Ramsukh, got an amazing facial at their Spa on bday, ate loads of Strawberries with cream!

- Met Paras

- Spent a night at a Tree top cabin in Masinagudi

- Went to the Coonoor tea factory and bought loads of tea

- Went to Tulsi baag with Chitra

- Chocolate paan!

- Got a simple hair trim for Rs. 500!

- Ate Pav Bhaji Fajita at Chilies, Bangalore :D

For the love of imagination

2010-01-27T07:40:00.000-08:00

Silent solitary evenings
When relationships are brewing

A starry glance across
Smile’s the secret sauce.

In that small moment
Castles are built with cement

Wars are won, troops are felled
Over the seas we fled.

It’s the celebration of love
With colored balloons and fireworks

Someone calls my name
With a single wipe, it’s all erased.

2010-01-26T14:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it feels like you ended up exactly where you started. And you ask, all this hullabaloo for nothing?

Sometimes you need to digress a little from the path you have been treading, onto another one. The digression is termed a “mistake”. Its sole purpose is to make you feel hopeless and thereby reaffirm you are on the right path.

The same old

2010-01-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

People don’t want the same old. If its music, remix it. If its literature or scriptures, put it in new glossy words or make them into attractive movies. If its philosophy or history, let famous brand names narrate it.

The soul is the same. Just in contemporary clothes.

Game

2010-01-26T07:05:00.001-08:00

It’s a new game I am playing with myself. To try and not judge.

Watching a movie without really trying to guess what’s gonna happen next, without thinking of the plausibility of the scenes in front of me. Listening to a song without picturing in my mind what it would look like, or without trying to seek the next rhyming word. Reading a book and taking in exactly what is written, without contemplating the right and wrong. Doing something for someone without questioning why.

Taking in everything as is. Its fun.

A decade

2010-01-25T07:04:00.000-08:00

On our old bike with hubby, on one cool breezy evening in Mysore, we set out. Looking above at the clear skies, I could spot the orion easily. And hundreds of other stars. Cruising the double road, with the wind blowing wild through my hair, tears in my eyes, I thought of what had been.

The same roads, the same bike, the same shops, the same likes and dislikes, the togetherness.

We pass by restaurants we had eaten in, we pass by places we had sat together and chatted for hours together, we pass by places we had lived in, we pass by some old friends’ houses, recollecting all the way...

It’s been a decade. Feels beautiful.

Slow time...

2010-01-20T06:53:00.000-08:00

I have been able to get some slow time. After a long time.

Its amazing how clearly you can think when you chill out. To know what you want, and to go out and get it, is quite something.

To reaffirm time and again, that although not all things are under your control, of the little that is, make the best of it while you can.

To appreciate the fact that good health just makes things easier, even for relationships.

To recognize that time is fleeting with every footstep of the Lord, and that there is nothing more vivid than the time that is now.

Evolution

2010-01-09T21:57:00.000-08:00

The world is a makeup of imperfect individuals. Perfection is a mirage. Evolution is a continuous process with no start or end.

To measure imperfect individuals with respect to their stages in evolution is both unnecessary and silly. Circumstances, for the most part, dictate at what stage an individual is, at any given point of time. It is not a race.

Respect it, admire it, be in awe.

Blood in my veins

2010-01-06T01:30:00.001-08:00

Some people flow as blood in your veins. No matter what you do to shrug them off, you can't.

It just feels better to know that. Atleast you know there is not point trying to forget.

All is well

2009-12-31T10:27:00.001-08:00

Finally met a friend today, close to my heart, who I had never before had a proper face to face conversation with.

Had an amazing lunch at Rajdhani.

Watched 3 idiots, and completely enjoyed it.

A void still waiting to be filled. A phone conversation awaits…

Friction

2009-12-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

Like the grain that struggles between the mortar and the pestle. Both equally stubborn, working against each other. Its her destiny to transform.

About Idlis and Sambhar

2009-11-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

We went to Dosai Place today. A nice Indian Vegetarian restaurant in Santa Clara. It wasn’t our first time, and I have always been pleased with their dishes.

Tonight, hubby and me decided to go for idlis. Yes, we have been quite stressed through the week, and when we are stressed, we eat. Eat something utterly simple, filling and delicious. What better than idlis.

Now, Dosai Place has 4 different idli items on their menu. One’s a simple 3 idlis thing. The other’s Vijaywada idli, basically idlis soaked in ghee, and then they have the Ghee Sambhar idli, which is mini idlis swimming in a bowl of ghee sambhar. The last one is Kanjeevaram Idli, which is idlis with nuts or something like that.

Four choices in Idlis is quite a variety. But hubby insisted he was going to ask for something not in the menu. He wanted idlis (the big ones) soaked in sambhar, instead of sambhar as a side.

They refused. No matter how much hubby insisted, they plainly refused. They suggested they would provide us with idlis and a big bowl of sambhar and we could dip them ourselves.

The idlis came with a small bowl of sambhar. And with 3 kutti kutti cups, a teaspoon of chutney in each.

Aaaargggggghhhhhhhhhhh

By the time we left, we had about 12 kutti kutti cups on our table, that’s how many refills we ordered.

Yes, it can get pretty serious when it comes to idlis and sambhar.

Do you Doodle?

2009-10-28T14:47:00.001-07:00

I do. A lot.

A fresh piece of white paper and a newly sharpened pencil can do magic on my brain. It instantly positions the graphite on the paper and sketches away… The whole world ceases to exist; the deadlines of life just wait, as the doodle takes center stage. The outcome is a pretty piece of what I like to call “art”, but can’t quite be defined. The best of dictionaries fail. There is no name for that thing drawn so beautifully on paper.

Its the time I know bliss, its like meditation.

Reading...

2009-10-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

After a few boring weekends and stressful weekdays, I have taken to reading. I mean regularly.

Reading keeps me happy, and I feel a sense of accomplishment as I reach the end of each book. It also brings the anticipation of my next visit to Barnes and Noble. I have been avoiding the temptation of stepping into that bookstore for so long, coz I already had a stack of unfinished books!

In the past week, I finished Bollywood Nights by Shobha De and Memories of my Melancholy Whores by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I enjoyed both. I am currently reading Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai.

Hubby never gets it. He doesn’t quite see why I would want to spend time at Barnes and Noble, rather than go to IKEA. I try hard to explain, it makes me live experiences that I may never get a chance to live in my life. “Go watch a movie!” he would say.

I look forward to my allocated reading time every night. Of course, it means sacrificing certain other things, but that is fine…. I also know I might not be able to keep it up for long, but that is fine too…

Does it happen to you?

2009-10-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Certain people in your life… who have always tormented you, and I mean always, and yet you are totally crazy about them? Almost like you love them for being such a pain?

Its happened to me… and I always felt like such an idiot, until I started to watch HOUSE. He’s like that too, he a great diagnostician, but is a pain to almost everybody in the hospital. And yet, people in and out of the drama, absolutely adore him.

I am not crazy… it happens…

Of Diwali and Laddoos

2009-10-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

It was a thoroughly thought out plan. I was to make multiple sweets this Diwali, all from scratch, no ready-made mixes allowed. The reasoning behind such a plan was, as we were growing up, sweet making for Diwali was a major part of the celebration. Yes, there were the fireworks and all, but I loved the few days before the actual festival, spent shopping and cooking, as the excitement of the festival day grew. The aroma of raisins fried in ghee, the grinding of elaichi, sitting around the table making laddoos, the decisions of kolam designs, the new dresses adorned with turmeric…

The sweets changed through the years as me and my sister’s tastes changed, but sweet making and certain other things remained. There were always laddoos. It was always idlis for breakfast on Diwali mornings.

And that’s how its going to be this Diwali. There is going to be laddoos and there will be idlis…

I love my mom to have kept up the tradition. I love me to be continuing it…

Under their wing

2009-10-01T11:19:00.001-07:00

I am thinking about this phrase. How some people want you to be under their “wing”.

They probably derive their sense of pride and individuality from the quality of people they collect under their wing.

They want you to say “Yes” to everything they say, and “No” to anything anyone else says. They want their minds to own yours.

I am learning to break through wings, slowly but surely…

Hanging in the balance

2009-09-29T16:40:00.000-07:00

I feel like I hang in the balance. Yes, the kinds that the Lady Justice (Andha Kanoon) holds.

I sit at one side of the balance. And I am waiting, anticipating….

I don’t know what the lady is going to place on the other side….

Will I sink, or will I survive?

HOUSE - Season 9 Premiere

2009-09-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

After months of wait and patiently watching and re-watching the older episodes, Season 9 is finally here. Hubby tuned in 2 hours earlier than the telecast time and ordered no playing with the remote, lest we miss it. Yes, such was the excitement.

The 2 hour premiere was more than just entertaining. It was a whole new perspective about Dr. House, the doctor who we know can diagnose unfathomable conditions is himself a patient at an asylum. With almost no known characters, save House and Wilson, it seemed like a story in itself, with a start and an end. A sinusoidal roller coaster ride of humor and grief.

The good news is Dr. House is back. And I mean, back at his hospital from the asylum.

I am sure the fans are grateful.

Chocochinno

2009-09-21T16:18:00.000-07:00

This is a drink the coffee machine in our office can make. It takes one packet of Creamy Topping, and one packet of Choco. Out comes this delicious drink that tastes like good old “Bournvita”.

It’s funny, I hated Bournvita (and Boost and Ovaltine) as a kid. I was more of a Horlicks Elaichi or just plain filter coffee kinda kid. And yet, now, almost every cold afternoon (the damn AC works perfectly!), I love to hold a steaming cup of Chocochinno in my hands, and feel the drink draining down my throat, providing me the warmth even relationships fail in these days.

I love the taste of it now. It reminds me of the days I hated it, lovely days...

Change

2009-09-09T17:51:00.001-07:00

Every game will get boring if you play it too much. Every book will get boring if you read it too much. Every song will get boring if you hear it too much.

That’s why people keep changing.

Migraine

2009-09-01T17:23:00.001-07:00

It starts with this slight pain at the back of your head that you can’t quite place. You feel nauseas. You think lowering the brightness of your computer screen will help, it does, only for a while. The pain intensifies, sometimes coming in short bursts. You just want to close your eyes and let your world be dark.

In Pursuit of Data Happiness...

2009-08-31T14:11:00.001-07:00

Created my data blog @ http://datapursuit.blogspot.com

Power

2009-08-19T09:49:00.001-07:00

People always prioritize people. They draw a border between the prioritized and the others. And then they distribute powers among the important ones.

Some are given the power to make you happy. Some are given the power to hurt. Some are given the power to bring about fear. Some are given a little of everything.

It is the peoples’ job to utilize their powers.

Sequoia National Park

2009-08-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

It had been a while we had wanted to go. We finally decided it was going to be this weekend, which was also the fee free weekend in most national parks.

I was up as soon as the alarm sounded at 5am. It’s amazing, on normal working days, it takes a series of alarms spaced at 15 minute intervals to get me going. The giant sequoias beckoned.

We packed a small backpack with the basic necessities, a towel, caps, water, gatorade and sunscreen. We took the longer but “scenic” CA-198 route to the sequoias, ignoring the several annoying attempts of the GPS to lead us onto CA-180. It was almost noon when we finally arrived at our first stop.

The General Sherman Tree is the largest living tree in the world by volume, about 2300 years old. The top of the tree is dead, and so it has ceased growing taller, but it continues to add enough volume for a whole new tree each year. From the parking at the Upper Sherman parking lot, it’s a 0.4 mile hike down (212 feet elevation change) to the Sherman tree. The sight is overwhelming.

From the Sherman tree, there are several trails that take you through the Giant Forest. We chose to hike the Congress Trail, which hosts some of the famous redwood sequoias named in sync with the congress theme. 0.8 miles on the trail you see the gigantic “The President” tree, the base of its trunk is huge and inspiring. Follow the same path and you meet “The Senate” and “The House”, both groups of tall redwood trees. The Congress trail is a loop totaling 2 miles. Apart from the famous trees, you can see large fallen trees, some fallen across the trail, that have been cut out from the middle to let people pass through. A refreshingly beautiful trail.

We decided not to waste time, and took the National Park’s shuttle service to Moro Rock. This is a huge granite structure, 300 feet above the parking lot, with 400 steps leading to the summit. The air is thin, and you can feel your lungs almost giving up. I took it slow and steady, and when I made it to the top, the view was breathtaking. The views of the Western Divide and the Sierras, and the winding roads down below are magnificent. On clear days, they say, you can even see the Pacific!

The descent was easy, and brought us back to reality. I was hungry!

It was almost 4pm when we took the shuttle back to the Upper Sherman parking lot, and drove on to the Lodgepole Village and Market for lunch. We quickly spot a burger place, and ordered combos with fries and soda. It was the yummiest burger we'd eaten in a while.

We shopped for souvenirs at the Lodgepole gift shop, a few (four!) magnets, a sequoia mug, a sequoia cap for hubby, and a scenic general’s highway bookmark for me.

It was 5pm, and we didn’t have time for more, so we decided to head back. This time we took CA-180, passing through the Sequoia border onto Kings Canyon, the drive was beautiful. We reached home at 10pm, our calf muscles screaming out aloud their existence.

To a lot more travel stories…

P.S. I forgot to mention, we did spot a bear cub casually walking around, on our way to Moro rock!

Me, My Head

2009-08-12T16:07:00.001-07:00

Me: Who are you talking to?

My head: You! Are you listening?

Me: But you are me, and I am you…

My head: Then how can I talk to you?

Me: But you are…

My head: So you think I am different from you?

Me: If you are not me, then who am I?

My head: It’s always about you isn’t it?

Me: I am so glad I am not you, you are mean!

My head: Oh yea, you wanna know who’s mean? Remember the time you…

Me: Man, why did I ever let you get so close to me!

My head: SILENT

Me: SILENT

Yay!

2009-08-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

Spot 5 shooting stars atop Saratoga Hills, as part of the Perseids meteor shower last night. Yay!!!

Love ya hubby for taking me!

No timetables for me

2009-08-11T14:42:00.001-07:00

It’s nice to have a timetable. To have each moment of the day planned out. To boast about how you know where each penny went. Feels organized, so cool na? And then, after a few weeks, it gets boring.

Why live the same life over and over again?

Stand Up

2009-08-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Often in life, you have to stand up to what you believe is right. No matter who that upsets, no matter which relationships end, no matter what gains turn into losses.

It is amazing how inspite of all the consequences, it reinforces your beliefs, your principles and suddenly makes the gone by years seem meaningful.

Everyone deserves a boost of confidence.

Ordinary

2009-08-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

Sweet talks
In glimpses and long stares
Breezy walks
Arms that care

One house, one family
Responsibility
More love amidst tears
Fear

Broken down and weary
Solitary
Left with only memories
Ordinary

Baah

2009-07-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

We often want the wrong things in life. And we don’t realize that until a long time has gone by.

Most people are constantly after something. May be it gives them some meaning to attach to their otherwise meaningless lives.

Why don’t people look around themselves for a minute and realize that all they really want in life is what they already have?

Baah!

21

2009-07-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

We had been to Reno this last long weekend. As we set foot on their biggest casino floor, we knew we were going to spend most of our time and energy and money on the Blackjack tables.

Preparations for this day started months back. Me and Karthi had painstakingly sifted through numerous reading material on blackjack strategy and had concluded that wiki was the way to go. Since then we had spent considerable time reading and re-reading the strategy tables, and practicing them on IPhone blackjack apps and practice sites on the Internet.

We swore to stick to the strategy rules, which, by now, we knew like the back of our hands.

Now and then, we would murmur amongst ourselves, “Eight and Five, Thirteen, Dealer has Five, I should Stand right?”

“Yes, go by the rules!”

“Oh, no, the dealer won!”

“But you did the right thing! You followed the rules! Don’t let emotion sway you!”

Life is so much like a blackjack game. There is a strategy to live by, constructed by those who were previously successful. And then, there are your emotions. And there is always something at stake.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. You make a part of that choice.

In the hope that the next set of cards will bring you “21”….

2009-06-30T22:37:00.000-07:00

With dreams in his eyes
Just like any one of us
He walked in with his guitar
No glamour, no fuss.

His hair a shabby golden
He wore his cap the wrong way
They laughed and smirked at his profession
An unemployed farmer is all they found deserving to say.

Show us what you got they screamed
And obeying, he started to sing
Every word was real it seemed
And every note the crowned king.

Eyes widened as the masks fell off in shame
He stood proud and glorious
A standing ovation to his name
Oh yes, he's going to Las Vegas.

Lie a lot

2009-06-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

If it were all about telling the truth always, life would have been a lot easier.

We almost constantly go through this decision making process through the day. We have to choose between telling the truth and state things as they are, or lie. Or may be reach a middle ground, truth that is ever so slightly altered?

It is amazing. Someone asks you a question, and your brain weighs priorities, evaluates pros and cons, reviews immediate and future consequences and examines the emotional effects of each decision. It digs up past, present and future impressions, any related experience is made part of the decision making process. Each decision is then assigned a score, based on which the winning decision is then converted into syllables and intonations that liberate from your mouth. No, it’s not over. The brain’s now intently focusing on the other being’s eyes and body language. It now has to evaluate if the decision had all the intended consequences.

Always give your brain more work, so it stays sharp. Lie a lot :-)

Slow Me Down...

2009-06-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

Discovered this song yesterday at my niece's dance recital. Beautiful dancing, beautiful song...

To the Software Engineering clan of Silicon Valley...

Slow Me Down - Emmy Rossum

Oh Time, Dear Time

2009-06-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

I am bored, and frustrated. The only thing I have been doing to pass time is to watch time pass.

It’s Friday night, there is a lot of look forward to. But a certain amount of time has to pass, it has to be lived, whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not, to get to that moment of ecstasy when my phone will ring, and hubby will say “I am here!”.

Oh time, dear time, will you not rush tonight?

Do you see God yet?

2009-06-12T14:40:00.000-07:00

What makes humans different? I am not sure there is a better answer than “Circumstances”.

Just because all the drivers who took the freeway this morning with me drove safe, I am happily sitting in my cubicle writing this. Had I met with an accident, I would have been filled with extreme guilt or rage, depending on who was at fault.

Yes, our lives are so interdependent on other people, even strangers, who share the planet with us. Strange, but true, they possess some control over our lives, and we over theirs.

And the cumulative effect of each individual exercising his/her control is what generates a “circumstance”.

Do you see God yet?

Yes, I think I see HIM.

Random Crazy Stuff

2009-06-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

So, Saya dear, a long long time ago, tagged me on writing this one. So here goes...

1. I have my own crazy names for people and things I adore. Usually ending with a "chu".

2. The only bad habit I will ever acknowledge is biting my nails.

3. For some reason, the mystery woman in my head, I always picture running.

4. I can never picture the aerial view of a place while on road, it almost seems impossible.

5. I am always explaining things to myself when I walk. With little sound and lots of actions.

6. I find it really hard to eat breakfast before a shower. Eating before brushing is incongrous.

7. I will always fall if I hold the brake on the bicycle. I am much better with cars.

8. I have coffee cravings all the time.

9. My only philosophy that hasn't changed over time -- "Life is balanced".

10. I can always make up bumble bee and itsy bitsy spider stories to tell kids.

11. I love balloons. And the rainbow. And the moon.

12. I will chew a vethallai forever.

13. I always walk on the left side of my hubby, except when there is a dog in that direction.

14. I will get scared even if I can see you when you try to "Boo" me.

15. Rock Paper Scissors and Dark Room are games I will never forget.

That was fun! I tag Chitra, Sudi and Paras. Enjoy maadi!

UP

2009-06-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

It’s the cutest movie I have seen in quite some time. I love animation, but this is probably one of my best 3-D experiences. (Apart from the Shrek 4-D show in Universal Studios, LA and the “Walking on the Moon” IMAX film at the Kennedy Space Center, Orlando)

To me, it’s a movie for grown ups. Kids will possibly love the humor and cuteness of it all, but only grown ups can appreciate the beauty of the smallest of details captured. The rocky structures of the Angel Falls feel so real, you almost want to touch it! To see so many balloons, bright and rising the house up in the air almost satiates every balloon lover’s dream. Ellie’s little book of adventure is that little corner of each of our minds where our deepest desires reside.

A must see.

Bored of being Bored

2009-06-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

I had this as my Gtalk status message months ago, the days I used to actually set a Gtalk status message. Many people pinged me for many months afterwards saying they felt the same way at some point in their lives.

Life is inherently boring.

We just keep trying to find things to do, just so that we can derive our own nice meaning out of it, drape it in the blanket of accomplishment, and cozily stay put. Some people work. Some make other people work. Some climb the Everest. Some take an year long sabbatical and see the world. Some paint. Some jump off airplanes. Some write books. Some just go to the spa.

All in an attempt to be busy, to be distracted, to feel important, lest boredom makes you feel like crap.

Makes me think, the ancient Indian saints meditated over months simply because they realized the truth about boredom.

To a lot more boring days …

P.S. I feel less bored after this post :-)

Score

2009-03-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

HOUSE: The universe always settles the score.

Cuddy: Does it?

HOUSE: No, it should.

Oscars

2009-02-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

I watched the entire Oscars without interruption. Most women of my age and over will understand, how impossible that can get at times.

Slumdog millionaire won 8 oscars. Rehman won 2 of them. He performed on the Oscar stage. When it won the best picture award, Danny Boyle, Dev, Frieda, Anil Kapoor, Irfan Khan, and all the kids, stood proud on the Oscar stage. I lived the moment with them, just like I lived every moment of the movie.

I loved the movie, and I already have a post that explains it. So I wont go into that.

But here are some comments made by some logical people I know. My thoughts are interleaved.

"I would have been happier if it was an Indian directed movie."

It may have been nominated in the Foreign Film category, and the Japanese would have won it anyways.

"We need a British to get us Oscars."

We were given a chance with Slumdog, and the 8 oscars speak for themselves.

Whatever, I enjoyed watching the Oscars, I had fun cheering for Slumdog, and end of the day, I am happy!

D: It is written

2009-01-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

Well, what can I say. A perfect movie. The right blend of sadness, joy, humor and anger. More importantly, unfairness.

Movies like these remind me of the same old question: Why?

Didn't we grow up with the notion of do good, and good will happen to you? As adults, you would look at that little box at an Indian hole in the wall restaurant, and read "Tipping is Good Karma". Whether you believe it or not, you toss in a dollar.

But is life always fair?

As I watched the movie, as I devoured each character potrayed, I lived their life for that moment. And at the end of it, I wondered, what if I was born as one of them?

I can't dismiss it saying it was just a film. It is reality.

I don't know if it is written or not. But if it is, I hope its fair.

The Dishwasher Story

2008-12-24T09:47:00.000-08:00

For a long time in my life, I didn’t know what a dishwasher was. I knew the word, and knew it was a gadget to wash dishes, but the concept of a machine washing my dishes was way beyond my imagination. Of course, I could have researched and found out what it looked like, and what it does, but well, let’s just say it was one of those things that you think about now and then, and do nothing about.

Enter Sunnyvale, CA. Every apartment came with a dish washer! Months passed since we moved to our first apartment, and I would just use the dishwasher to keep my dishes after “I” washed them “myself”. How could I trust this machine to possibly remove all that oil and mess from my dishes? And what about that sticky gooey stuff at the bottom of the pan every time my hubby takes a shot at cooking? This machine can’t possibly take out all that?

That’s probably what an average Indian housewife thinks of a dishwasher. We cook incredibly different from Americans do, and so the dishwasher possibly would work for them, but not for us.

And then work got hectic. We would come home late in the evening, tired and hungry. The dishes would pile up every day, and Sunday cleaning would be overwhelming. Where do I start?

My hubby said, “Ok, now that’s enough! Let’s use the dishwasher!”

Skeptically, I started one dish at a time, slightly brushing it with some soap, I arranged them in the dishwasher. In no time, my sink cleared, and all the dishes were neatly stacked inside. My hubby taught me how to start it, and we left it running.

The next morning, when I came looking for the cereal bowl, it was nice and clean and dry sitting inside the dishwasher….

My five year old niece always says, “How would you know if it’s good or bad before even trying it?”

Which kind are you?

2008-12-17T12:15:00.000-08:00

A dialogue from yesterday’s episode of HOUSE:

“I would rather sit watching the birds, than wishing I had wings”

reminded me of

A dialogue from the movie Signs:

“There are two kinds of people in this world, one that believe in miracles and that there is someone out there who will come save us in the time of need, and the other that believe they are all alone and have to watch out for themselves”

The question is always the same…

Which kind are you?

Teddy Bears, Chocolates and Roses

2008-12-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

Some things just remain. I loved teddies and chocolates as a kid. Roses I adored as a teenager.

I thought I had overgrown these old favorites. Teddies I never bought these days, and now were more a concern of allergies than anything else. Chocolates I couldn’t eat more than a couple, my throat would start to feel weird. Roses are flowers that rot away.

Recently, I bought a cute little leopard cub, from the MGM grand store in Vegas. Since then, I sleep with it on my side, I watch TV with it, and irritate the heck out of my hubby with it.

Yesterday, at Costco, I looked at all the holiday special chocolates that adorned the shelves. I can’t say how I resisted that temptation.

Each time, at the local Safeway store, I stand gazing at the roses while my hubby finds a shopping cart.

It’s probably a girl’s ideal gift, a Teddy, a box of chocolates and roses.

It's the holidays!

2008-12-10T09:09:00.000-08:00

Being an adult, holidays are extremely important. It is the four days we try to squeeze in a whole year’s worth of fun. And it’s the chance to look back, in incredulous shock, at the thought of having had month long vacations as a kid.

As a kid, Christmas was special and magical. I don’t exactly know why or how. Me and my sis would hang stockings on the drawers, and sleep the Christmas eve in anticipation. The next day we would convince ourselves that Santa was either fake, or Bahrain was just way to far from the North Pole. And yet, we would try next year.

Now, being in the US, Christmas is when the lights are up, and snowman dolls adorn front porches of homes. Its when stores slash their prices and everyone’s shopping for gifts (even Men!!!). Its when you sit down with blue snowy gift wraps and sparkly ribbons and struggle to wrap that uneven box of toy. Its when even the most boring places, banks and the admissions office have candy canes.

And the best part of Christmas, my hubby takes me for a ride in the car every Christmas to look at the decorations people put out their homes.

Have a great holiday season! Ho ho ho!

Lal Mohan

2008-12-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

So while we were in Vegas, we decided to eat at this restaurant called “Himalayan Indian cuisine”. It was a Nepalese and Indian food place, and the concept excited us all.

The ambience was nice, few neat tables, the walls and ceilings inlaid with Himalayan style décor. The server was nice and charming, and teased us to see how far we’d go for spicy food. We all dared to a spice level of 10.

The food came fast, and it was delicious. It was indeed spicy, unlike a lot of restaurants here in the US.

After the masalledar meal, I craved dessert. I remembered reading something interesting in the dessert menu. I asked for the menu again, and located the item immediately.

“Lal Mohan: Two milk based pastries, brown on the outside, nice on the inside with a sweet savoury syrup to top.”

Pastries! Yum! Layers of soft cake …. Brown on the outside? Something like Tiramisu may be! Yum yum, and more yum….

When the server brought my order, it was a silver cup.

Pastries in a cup!?!
Three gulab jamuns!?!

So I say to the server: “Excuse me, I think we asked for Lal Mohan”

Server says: “This is Lal Mohan”

Moment of truth.

Milk based pastry!!!
Brown on the outside!!!
Nice on the inside!!!
Sweet savoury syrup!!!

Ignorance isn’t always bliss.

Post Vegas Depression

2008-12-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

I am officially in “Post Vegas Depression”.

The last four days in Las Vegas have been fantastic. Its amazing how just a single street can attract so much attention, have so much energy (and money) flowing in and out.

I am missing the glitz of the casinos, the bustling crowds on blackjack tables, the sound of the silver roulette ball and the anticipation of the triple 7’s on the slot machines. For four days life changed drastically from the usual work and bay area life. This was vegas, where “you” can “be”.

Until my next trip…

Weekenditis?

2008-11-21T16:00:00.000-08:00

I love it when it’s the weekend. Friday night. Two simple words that can give you so much to look forward to. Its not that I despise my work or cry to go to office everyday (yes, I did cry to go to school), yet, the magic of the weekend can easily cheer me up.

The joy of being in the bed for an extra hour or two. The joy of the weekend brunches. The joy of watching the Indian shows that only cast on weekends. The joy of enjoying every single sip of coffee. The joy of so much time and nothing to do.

Sunday evenings come with the premonition of a busy week ahead. Monday just confirms it.

Another five days until…

How does one catch weekenditis?

Order within Disorder

2008-10-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

Things go wrong now and then. Sometimes terribly. The Gotchas of life.

And at times like these, it feels like there’s no escape, nowhere to go, no solution. Regret fills your heart with the nasty “if onlys”. You are scared, and if you are lucky, you get to cry.

And yet in this turmoil, in this disorder, somewhere, silently, things are falling into place for you.

Yes, life is balanced. Order within disorder.

Take care.

Our First Kolu

2008-09-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

I have memories from childhood days. Dusherra was 10 fun filled days. It would start with the arrangement of kolu, and inviting neighbors and relatives to our home for vethala pakku. Every evening, there would a yummy snack for prasadam. Maamis and kids would sing beautiful carnatic melodies. Of course, we would get to go to other houses and marvel at their kolu. And the 10 days would end with the fireworks from the huge Ravana statue in the park.

Given the chance, I took it. My anni lent me toys for the kolu. With the little place I have in my kitchen counter slab, I arranged the toys. It was colorful.

I could have been without it, I could have just let it pass by. I am glad I didn’t. It’s a choice we make.

Let’s make festivals matter.

The Witch of Portobello

2008-09-26T14:14:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading ‘The Witch of Portobello’ by Paulo Coelho. Its not his greatest of works, there are other books I have liked better (Alchemist, Veronika decides to die, Eleven Minutes), but it’s a good read.

If asked to sum up the book, its about “Love”. The philosophy being “Love is”.

Reminds me of those child day cartoon strips on the newspaper, called Love is. Though the cartoon would always complete that sentence. The book doesn’t.

Paulo Coelho says “Love is”. An end in itself. No descriptions, no definitions.

Love is. In the skies, in the waters, in the air, in our heads, existing without logic. Without caring if its reciprocated, without caring for commitment, without caring for uncertainty, without caring for time.

Love simply is.